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What would we be seeing if President Clinton had been eligible to run for reelection in 2000 and things were happening exactly as they are right now?

It would go something like this:


By Richard Berke
The New York Times

Just over a year ago, America enjoyed unprecedented peace and prosperity, and William Jefferson Clinton gained a third presidential term by becoming the first man ever to win all fifty states. However, in a classic example of what even some prominent Democrats have privately acknowledged to this reporter is “overstaying one’s welcome”, Clinton is now being savaged from all sides for plunging the nation into a tragic downward spiral of war and recession.

“Look at how good things were before the election, and look at how bad they are now,” said vanquished Republican nominee George W. Bush. “This guy took a free, prosperous country and ruined it. There’s no misunderestimating it.”

Former Senator Bob Dole was more to the point.

“Another Democrat president. Another Democrat war,” said the man from Kansas. “It’s enough to make you impotent.”

“The Clinton terrorism. The Clinton recession. The Clinton bear market. The Clinton ebola virus. It’s all so overwhelming,” said Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. “And the frustrating thing is, if Bush had just won a single state, then we were going to declare him president.”

“Clinton started his third term by allowing his campaign contributors to plunder California,” said Republican National Chairman Marc Racicot. “That set the tone for the corruption and immorality of the last year. The games he played with the limits on arsenic and his illegal efforts to hide his presidential papers - it’s all so very sleazy! Now we’re back to deficit spending, just as those of us in the G.O.P. warned would happen with the Tax-And-Spendocrat Party in the White House.”

“Worst of all, of course, was that Clinton allowed America to be caught off guard on September 11,” said Senator Trent Lott (R-MS). “He was commander-in-chief, and he must take sole responsibility for this disaster. I don’t recall any terrorists ever attacking this country when Republicans were in charge. And no Republican would be such a coward that he would hide in a Nebraska bunker instead of rushing back to the White House where the president belongs during a crisis. I’m certain that this terrorist attack happened because Clinton showed weakness by caving in to the Red Chinese during that spy plane fiasco. As patriots, we are obligated to oppose everything this guy does, especially during wartime.”

Congressional Democrats were equally critical.

“It is absurd for anyone to believe that we can just passively stand by and watch any president of any party run this nation into the ground,” said Sen. Russell Feingold (D-WI), who cast the deciding vote that deprived Clinton of his nominee for attorney general. “Democrats will always stand for principle, so we’re going to have to fight this president every step of the way. Sure, there’s a war going on, but the resolute commitment of the Democratic Party is to always stand up on behalf of our constituents who are counting on us to defend their interests. There would be no other reason for us to be here, unless we were in politics just for the money and power.”

“How could anyone possibly be doing a worse job?” said Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA). “The economy is in the toilet and our country has been attacked. It makes me ashamed to pretend to be a Democrat. And this latest thing, fainting after choking on a pretzel? Who is dumb enough to believe that crap? The commander-in-chief of our armed forces was obviously plastered out of his mind during a time of war. We need a military tribunal to look into the whole sorry mess.”

One former Democratic office holder, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “If that fella from Texas had been elected, then I think that everyone who was not extremely wealthy would have benefited from what I call ‘benign neglect’. Now, please excuse me. I have to go back to my new job, which is using my professorial demeanor to con the public into privatizing Social Security.”

David Broder of the Washington Post expressed the view of many observers when he recently wrote, “A president who guides the country into the untenable position of economic weakness combined with vulnerability to foreign attack must be considered illegitimate, despite the fact that he got 74% of the popular vote.”

Since September 11, the president has taken an unrelenting pounding in the media. The Wall Street Journal ran an extensive series of articles on the alleged extensive business connections between the president’s deceased mother and Osama bin Laden that was titled, “The Barfly and the Beast”. Fox News announced that it would name its war coverage, “First Vince Foster – Now This!” Tonight Show host Jay Leno told his viewers that, until bin Laden is captured, all of Leno’s jokes will be at the expense of the president. The comedian explained that, “If our leader is such an incompetent clown that he lets someone attack our country and escape, then he’s not entitled to any respect.”

Ominously for the president, an overwhelming 97% of Americans answered “yes” to this question when it was posed by the CBS News/New York Times Poll: If it were proven that President Clinton was actually the diabolical mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on September 11, then would he lose your support?

Even if the economy recovers and the war is won, Mr. Clinton could be facing an uphill struggle.

“We’re going to throw him out of office,” pledged House Whip Tom DeLay (R-TX). “His opportunistic federal power grab has violated the rights of American citizens and shown contempt for the Constitution. Secret trials? Unlimited federal wiretapping authority? Who does this guy think he is, Stalin? Anyone who supports that stuff is a communist megalomaniac. We’re going to show this leftist bum that the U.S.A. isn’t the U.S.S.R. Win the war or lose it, he’s outta here, and he can take his drunken scofflaw daughter with him.”

“We supported you, President Clinton,” proclaimed an ad that appeared in the Washington Times, and which was signed by former administration officials Dee Dee Myers, Mike McCurry, Robert Reich, Lanny Davis, and George Stephanopoulos. “Now, we regret that we did, and we urge you to resign immediately. When your close friend and biggest campaign contributor pulls off the most outrageous financial scam in recent history, and you disgrace the office of the presidency by lying to the American people with the ludicrous claim that you were totally unaware of what was happening, then it’s time for you to go.”

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Last changed: December 13, 2009