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6/1/01


 

MAKETHEMACCOUNTABLE
APOLOGIZES TO ARI FLEISCHER

By David Podvin
Official Apologist For:  MakeThemAccountable.com

In the interest of fairness, MakeThemAccountable would like to apologize to Bush Press Secretary Ari Fleischer and other members of the administration who have claimed that departing Clinton staffers vandalized the White House.

Readers of MakeThemAccountable know that we have been extremely skeptical of claims that the Democrats deliberately destroyed government property as a vindictive parting shot when the Republicans assumed power. We have gone so far as to accuse Fleischer, Karl Rove, and even President Bush of engaging in a smear campaign against Clinton loyalists as part of a Machiavellian plan to positively contrast the new administration with their predecessors.

However, in light of the documenting evidence in the form of a photograph (see above) that was released today, we have no ethical recourse but to offer our sincere apology, along with a pledge for more responsible behavior on the part of MakeThemAccountable in the future.

As you can see from the photograph, the vandalism at the White House not only occurred, it was contemptibly destructive and vulgar in nature.

Perhaps the most troubling aspect of the many outrages in the picture is the death threat that is directly aimed at the Bush family, immediately below the framed picture on the right wall. Scrawled in invisible ink, this profane and threatening language requires us to finally acknowledge that William Bennett was right about the decadence and savagery of the Clinton junta from day one.

Please also note that, sitting on the far desk, cleverly disguised as a computer terminal, is a hair trigger cluster bomb of the type that has maimed countless children in Bosnia.

Among the other indefensible atrocities revealed in the picture are the many infrared swastikas that were clearly written by the hand of Chelsea Clinton, doubtlessly while SHE WAS DRUNK!

Also disturbingly provocative is the number “three” that has been crudely formed by twisting a priceless keepsake of first lady Mary Todd Lincoln and pinning it against the left wall, just above the nearest desk. This chillingly cryptic reference to the three members of the Clinton Administration who were murdered by Hillary Clinton (Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and some other guy) constitutes a blatant attempt at intimidation of the incoming residents, if not an outright felony terrorist threat.

Finally, note the small rectangular item midway up the far wall. Based upon consultation with intelligence experts, MakeThemAccountable has determined that this is a state of the art mind reading device.  It is so powerful that it cannot be deterred from its mission of stealing and transmitting the thoughts of its intended targets, even when they wrap aluminum foil completely around their heads. Imagine the knowledge that the Clintonistas would now possess if their evil plan had resulted in them being able to read the thoughts of President Bush.

If anything, the decent Bush people understated the severity of the misconduct that they encountered on what should have been our nation’s most glorious day; the beginning of the Bush Administration.

MakeThemAccountable deeply thanks President Bush and his fine staff of grown-ups for being willing to put all of this tragic criminal conduct behind them, to turn the other cheek, and to set a new tone of civility in Washington.

Based on the evidence in the photograph, we seriously doubt that we could have brought ourselves to react as they did.

Podvin Satire

Podvin, the Series

 


Last changed: December 13, 2009